There are some things I've been meaning to write, but just haven't had the time or mental capacity. I am going to try to put down some thoughts here, as the weather is bad tonight so I am staying in. Here goes:
- Meeting other Americans here is actually pretty cool. I feel like the distance from things that are happening there is a great equalizer, since political affiliation means nothing this far from home. I've heard some impassioned and inspiring opinions from people who are currently afforded a way to look in from the outside for a change. Hearing different perspectives is always good, even if I am not always in agreement.
- In the last two days, my Thai speaking and conversation skills have started to increase noticeably to myself and those around me. It is really cool and I can attribute it mostly to my friends' constant support and corrections and pretty much every person I meet helping me correct my errors in constructive ways. It has been a great feeling to connect with both native speakers and learners like myself, who have been wonderful teachers as well.
- Living healthy here seems like it is more affordable for the average person. In America, things like massages or "alternative" health treatments, like acupuncture or herbal medicine, are definitely on the luxury end of spectrum. Here, that doesn't seem to be the case. The many levels and qualities of massage shops/schools here tend to have a fair amount of local patronage. Certainly, such treatments are cheaper for most foreigners here than in their home countries, but Thai people value these healing methods as part of their everyday regimen. I wish this were possible at home. My body feels amazing after being able to get several massages a week.
- I was pretty excited to be able to go to the Hindu temple here until last week. This one man is there everyday and he is pretty nice. He invited me to the chanting/aarti last Tuesday evening and said there would be food that I could eat. I was sold. I like attending these events back home, so I figured it would be similar. The music was good, but there wasn't a chanting book or anything, so participation was hard. There were, however, a pretty good mix of people, including locals, other Americans and a large group of Japanese people who had been studying at the massage school where I went.
I am glad I went, as it was interesting to experience the ceremony. Plus, the assistant to the pandit who played the tabla and sang was very talented. One song in particular was very moving on all levels, I almost didn't want it to end. However, a few things made me a little uncomfortable. First, a good portion of the non-chanting part was just a reading of how much was donated by each attendee that evening (I donated anonymously in the box before the ceremony). This just got me thinking about the basic idea of ego and how my understanding of most of the Hindu teachings is that personal accolades for pious acts kind of defeats the purpose. Maybe I don't fully understand what it was for, but I clearly understood the person presenting speaking Thai and just thought it was kind of self-congratulatory, especially given the venue and meaning of the ceremony.
In addition, during that part a few of the Japanese men were speaking to each other in an audible, but not distracting way. The guy presenting with the microphone stopped speaking Thai to basically berate them in English, then said something kind of similar in Thai afterwards. I wanted to leave at that point, but figured it was almost over so I stayed. Given the fact that other people there were talking on their phones at various points, I found this reaction to be unnecessary and completely inappropriate, plus I felt bad for the two guys being treated like they were naughty children. Why open a temple to all if, during a ceremony to celebrate universal love and consciousness, distractions can't be handled in a positive or even non-condescending manner? On the way out, I talked to the speaker about something and he seemed nice. However, his tone during the scolding was anything but welcoming.
Finally, there was no food for me eat. Everything either had tons of onions, garlic or dairy...or all three. I drank a few waters and told the guy who invited me that I was full. Not really a bummer, because I expected this to be the case. Still, I did not go back this week and won't go again to the ceremony while I'm here. I plan to go tomorrow morning to the temple, though. Then again, I've been saying that for the last week.
- On my massive run up the mountain the other day, I had a lot of time to just breathe and think and experience and come to some realizations. Most important of all, I felt like the entire exercise wasn't for myself, in the body-centered sense. Certainly, it was physically taxing, but that wasn't the point. The point was to start running and see how I felt at the top...so in hindsight see if the path was more important than the temporary goal. I can safely say that it was. The view from the top was ok, but the motivation and inspiration that was within, but not part of my body, was what stuck with me most. At points, I didn't feel like the "doer;" I felt more like a vessel for the action, but the power came from somewhere else. Pain wasn't an issue and neither was doubt, but more of an unchanging belief that each step was completed how it should be. The goal wasn't the temple, the goal is still somewhere ahead. This was simply an awareness exercise to try to see how soul, mind and body interact. Chanting and breathing were aids along the way, just as they are in each day in meditation. So, it's no surprise that I returned from the 14 miles feeling both rejuvenated and mentally focused.
- I have started getting massages to help with my hard legs from running and kicking as well as my stiff, still-healing thumb. P'Joi has been my regular massage doctor here. She teaches at Ong's Massage School and is nothing short of amazing. My body is generally tight, especially in the legs and hips, so she has been doing an amazing job helping that. Plus, her technique for massaging my thumb has definitely aided in the healing process. Although some of the massage is a bit rough, utilizing elbows, knees and even walking on my back, the results on my mental and physical health have been immediately noticeable. Today, during my massage, I could actually feel the healing energy radiating through my being. Combined with the light music in the background and singing of birds outside the window, it was maybe the most peaceful I've felt in a long, long time. The benefits of these treatments seem more far-reaching than acupuncture I've regularly received in the past, too.
- Since I arrived in Thailand, I've noticed that death and the reactions to it are a constant in daily life. From the first days here, the cremation ceremony for the dearly beloved King Rama IX was a very emotional, all-pervading event here. It could be felt in all activities on October 26, especially. It was somber and very respectful. The other day, I witnessed a funeral parade that was completely the opposite; an open truck full of people and a casket blaring Thai country-ish music as it took the body of the departed soul to its cremation. There was fanfare. There was celebration. There was death.
The other day, I entered my room to find a cockroach that had been poisoned writhing on the floor. It had probably already passed, but I didn't want to just throw it away in the trash. So, I scooped it into a paper bag and deposited it carefully in the small cemetery with a Buddhist chedi across the alley on my way out. Granted, this was not on the level of the previous examples, but in my mind each life deserves to be acknowledged and respected, even in death.
- Hand in hand with the realization of death is the realization of suffering. When I went to the highest peak in Thailand, the main thing left an impression on me was an injured, limping dog. It seemed to have adjusted to its ailment, but the way it was running as someone tried to chase it made its pain shoot through my heart. I still wonder if the dog is ok, or if anyone has helped it yet. I wish I was in a position to help.
The highest mountain, though towering above the land and lives of all beings, is still not a refuge from suffering.
- With all of these things in mind, I feel that my trajectory to enter a career of healing is more or less set. I look forward to seeing how the self-healing techniques that I learned in Reusii Datton (Thai yoga) along with these other realizations will help cultivate my future path and return trip to study massage and herbal medicine in Chiang Mai.
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