Before I took care of Laika, I had a theory that dogs could not fart loudly. I based this assumption on the fact that they did not have butt-cheeks, which seemed to play a significant role in the volume and timbre of producing loud farts. As it turns out, I was completely wrong. In fact, Laika disproved this theory constantly. By constantly, I actually mean all the time...she was pretty much part bagpipe, especially when she would produce a smelly tone directly on cue when being hugged! (She would then wag her tail to "spread the love," as it was called.) But...I digress.
Laika was usually proud of her noisy exhaust. However, in times of distress or nervousness, she would both yawn and fart non-stop. It was funny to witness...especially if outdoors or near an open window! So, each vet trip was accompanied by a usual soundtrack of "yawwww" and "braaaaaap," with some sad whining mixed-in. It was a sad sight with a silver lining, because once we arrived she would be really excited to get attention from the vet and techs. In fact, she would get attention and non-stop treats...Oh, and some sort of medical procedure, too, which she never really seemed to worry too much about as long as the treats were flowing.
One particular visit a few years ago involved both treats and farts. I distinctly remember the appointment being about something rather serious, most likely the aspiration of a mass and then her anal glands being express. So, something entirely not fun for either of us, especially Laika. As usual, though, Laika was the perfect patient and tolerated all of the poking and prodding with complete stoicism. It made it easier that she was being given non-stop treats...keeping her eyes and mind directly on the impending delivery of goodies while she stood perfectly still on the exam table. She was amazingly good for people she knew were helping her.
At one point, the vet needed to leave to examine some of the cell aspirations and I stayed in the room giving Laika more and more treats. She was so happy, despite the previous procedures and sat on the floor with a goofy smile on her face and her tail buzzing. When the vet came back, it was her turn to give Laika treats while we discussed the results. As usual, it was a wait-and-see kind of lump, which was par for the course, sadly. At some point during our discussion, though, the doctor stopped giving treats. It might have been the gravity of the topic, I'm not sure. Regardless, Laika was not pleased. Her initial reaction was to stop wagging her tail, which created a noticeable silence, and gazing blankly and unblinkingly at the vet. The quiet alerted us that something was amiss. As we turned our attention to Laika, she was waiting completely still for the next treat...practically staring into the vet's soul.
"No more treats," the vet said. Laika, continuing her vigil, was obviously unsatisfied with this proclamation and responded the most forceful way she could...by breaking the silence with a thunderous fart that reverberated all around the tiled exam room! I laughed out loud as soon as Laika made her disagreement known. The vet, on the other hand, looked totally bewildered, but immediately produced another treat for our gassy protagonist. Laika was so happy that she started wagging her tail, which quickly "spread the love" around the room. I could not stop laughing. Laika looked really proud of herself as she munched the treat and, secretly, deep-down inside, I was proud of her, too. The vet eventually ended-up chuckling a bit, but maybe because of my reaction to the situation. Perhaps this solidified my place as a certified manchild? Fine by me, because the timing and volume of the fart were hilarious...and perfect; as were Laika's extreme concentration and focus. I hope that after the fact the vet was able to appreciate what had transpired, because it was something that only Laika could have done!
Unlike my mistaken phrase that lived-on in good-natured infamy around the vet office, this was not as celebrated an event. Regardless, the treat fart was hilarious and something so totally representative of Laika-ness that the sight and the smell are indelibly etched into my memory forever.
The stare.
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