When Laika was a puppy, I actually had a twin size bed that I had lofted about 3' because my previous bedroom was very small (my friends called it my "racecar bed," since it was not fit for an adult). Naturally, when I started taking care of Laika, she was crated at night and had a daybed mattress under my loft. As she graduated from the crate, she moved to the mattress under my bed and, in essence, we had bunk beds! Laika was quite a jumper, so she quickly began to jump on my bed and sleep there with me. This made space pretty tight, but Laika easily found a spot (sometimes at my inconvenience). [I know some people don't like dogs to sleep on their beds and think it is weird, but, like, whatever...it is nice!]
I soon graduated to a hand-me-down full size mattress from my parents' guest room, which was awesome. I was almost a real adult at this point. Not only did I have a "regular" bed, but there was plenty of room for Laika as well. As it turns out, Laika was quite egalitarian in her sharing of the bed. She got exactly half and I got exactly half. It would have been really great, except Laika's half was the middle half! Despite the larger bed, Laika enjoyed constantly being in the geometric center of it. Even if she would start out at the foot of the bed or near an edge (which rarely happened), she would soon claim the center and push me to the edge. (Is this the definition of "push-over"?)
This is why I started to make the joke that I had no beds at the house. I could really only occupy 25% of my bed at a given time. But, given that Laika was a great cuddler and kept the bed super warm in the winter (as a kept it cool to save money), I was ok with having an edge only. In addition, until more recent years, Laika would sleep a lot later in the morning if I let her stay in my bed. This was nice, as she used to wake-up super early to eat and then sleep in bed with me after she went out. Certainly, food was the major motivator for her, but she did also like re-sleeping in my bed after going out. It was a win-win, as I ended up getting about an extra hour of sleep each night!
After Laika started her chemotherapy last December, she was sometimes a bit uncomfortable after IV treatments and on nights that she took her at-home pills. However, once she would calm down, she would fall asleep quite quickly. It was disconcerting to see her pacing around, knowing that her body and spirit were waging an endless war against the cancer within. At these times, wherever she wanted to sleep was fine with me. If she fell soundly asleep on my bed, I would not disturb her for fear that she might wake up in some sort of pain. Although, I could usually tell by the rhythm of her breath and content look on her face that she was finally feeling at peace and comfortable. I would then just sleep on the floor of my room, until she woke me up to go out (usually about 4 hours), then we would go back to sleep on the bed together. It was a good routine and I got very accustomed to sleeping on the floor.
After we recently moved to the new house, this routine didn't change much. Though Laika did have a new lounger/hammock bed in the bedroom and would also sometimes sleep in front of the fan. As she started to exhibit more signs that her body was slowing down, I started sleeping on the floor with her the whole night. She would move around a bit, but usually would stay close to me. It was nice and felt like the old times when I first got my "adult bed."
Now that she is gone, it is really weird sleeping in "my" bed. Not only do I have the whole thing to myself, but Laika's snoring and kicking and warmth are gone. Like all other things, it is too quiet and the expected comfort of sleeping alone is far from being there. It is just another void that I am trying to come to grips with that used to be occupied by an eternally goofy bed hog who staked her claim firmly in the middle of my bed and my existence.
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