I cannot believe that we parted five weeks ago. It doesn't seem real. But then again, the perception of time is deceptive when one is grappling with a void in their existence. My routine of leaving food and water for you each day will continue for a few more weeks, when I release some of the ashes of your previous body into the river to allow them to merge with nature and be reborn along with your soul.
I saw a friend yesterday who didn't know that you had passed away last month. It was harder to discuss it than I thought, because I still miss the constant thumping of your wagging tail...as if it were the actual heartbeat for our days. My friend, who knew you very well, was very sad to hear of your sharp decline and passing. He said that you were such a fighter and one of the best dogs he's ever met. He said if you and I hadn't met, then you most certainly wouldn't have had a chance at such a full life...even in the face of cancer. It made me proud to be your guardian, because I now that despite your mischievous tendencies and body that was eventually eroded by disease, you had a true heart of gold and woke up each day with excitement over all of the simple things that I tend to overlook or ignore. I am still thankful that I was given the chance to take care of you, even in the worst of times.
Each day, the house is still too quiet. It still doesn't seem like a home. There is sometimes happiness and sometimes pain in the house...smiles and tears are associated with the stories celebrating our time together. These emotions rise and fall, providing comfort as I am trying to move forward and continue to learn from your direct and, now, indirect lessons. However, I am still searching for the heartbeat amongst the memories and photographs.
Everyday I continue to walk and run with your spirit. Now I wear some of your ashes around my neck. In some ways, it seems, we have never been apart.
Thank you again for everything you gave to me.
Love,
Dad
No comments:
Post a Comment