Whew...I needed to take a few (hundred) deep breaths since the last post. The seemingly endless move of about 1 mile from the old house to the new residence was, well, endless. To top that off, Laika had some complications with her tumor upon arrival in the new house. As it happened, diarrhea-armageddon and exploding-tumor-armageddon part I occurred on the same day. This resulted in a two day hospitalization for antibiotics and fluids for her...which allowed me some time to complete the move and get settled a bit (silver lining). [Special thanks to my Mom and Dad for their help to get the old place cleaned while I was addressing Laika's healthcare.]
The hospital stay seemed to help Laika's condition and she left with the tumor well on its way to healing (as much as a cancerous tumor can). I took her back for a check-up a few days later and they said she looked "great." I was really happy, due to the drastic change in her attitude and condition from several days earlier. However, upon returning home on my break, I was met with a scene of over-the-top gore (including a blood-stained wall/Laika and a dog's back that was scratched completely raw)...let's call it exploding-tumor-armageddon part II. Apparently, Laika took matters into her own paws and removed the infected part of the tumor quite deftly, in fact. She is brilliant, but, like, not in the way that I expect or appreciate (at the time). Still, she is he own being and in times like these, her actions are those to address her own unvoiced needs/feelings, of which I am obviously unable to comprehend the nuances. However, I could tell she was uncomfortable and didn't want to take her back to the vet until her next appt this coming Monday...so, I've been getting to be quite good at changing bandages and monitoring her healing process. Her attitude has improved and she seems content to go about her everyday business with pre-moving levels of mild-insanity and quirkiness. Time will tell how she responds to the new chemo treatment, but I am currently glad that Laika is back to her goofy self and enjoying the finer smells and treats of life. The work of a guardian is not easy, but from seeing the results and improvement it is very rewarding.
Reflection on Power and Spirituality:
Over the past few weeks, I have been listening to more of Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication Training Course (so far 4/9ths of the way complete!). His approach is very clear, but at the same time challenging to think outside of habitual methods of engaging others. One of the main themes that he consistently stresses is the retention of personal power in relation to emotions and life in general. In his words, "domination structures" of authority rely on simple "static language" of "to be" in order to label and judge people and their actions in a system of rewards and punishment. From this, our power and ownership of responsibility is voluntarily handed to others as a means of accepting results based on the judgment of external forces. Fear is cultivated based on worrying about whether we will be punished or rewarded. This extends further to include our personal interactions in which we worry how others will receive or expression and language. Again, we rely on the authority of others to determine our contentment. Instead, he stresses, our energy should be solely focused on how we respond with awareness and personal understanding to others. Only through retaining internal power in this way, can we hope to connect our true inner selves through empathy and understanding to others. Blaming anger or other emotions on others removes us from the equation and voluntarily strips us of our rightful power. I have thought of this in other contexts, but not specifically in everyday communication...which is probably pretty obvious, but not something I ever thought about.
For years, I have though about this in the context of religion. After having gone to a Catholic high school and experiencing the rituals and teachings as an outsider, I always found it hard to understand the authority structure within the church and how my classmates and other Catholics readily removed themselves from responsibility and accepted rewards/punishments from a 3rd party. To further this perceived "submission" to authority, my other experiences of Christianity followed suit: believers left judgement to either God or humans in authority, seemingly removing personal responsibility and power to take control of their futures from the equation. It was puzzling and, ignorantly, I assumed this was solely a characteristic of Abrahamic Religions which, to my knowledge, focused on an all-knowing, all-judging God and his (always male) power to reward and punish. [I always picture some old guy with a long white beard sitting in the clouds going over a checklist like Santa to see who gets to suffer for eternity or experience bliss based on his evaluation.] However, on my first trip to Thailand (which is outlined in earlier posts), I experienced the same authority structure and interactions between lay disciples and monks at a meditation retreat in Bangkok. This led to a drastic reassessment of my understanding of religion and the fact that personal power is pretty much standard currency for any type of communities which are built on experts holding keys of perceived spiritual knowledge based on authority and separation within a hierarchy of believers.
Enter some of the key teaching (but not necessarily practices) of Buddhism, Hinduism and Jainism which pretty much spiritually embody Rosenberg's ideas of personal responsibility. I see these as mostly rooted in the differing presentations of karma and resulting effects and their interactions with various ideas of all-pervading divinity: Buddhism and Jainism being more atheistic and Hinduism with a mix of personal, embodied forms of divinity and Brahman as the divine consciousness in all things. Despite the debate of no God vs. God, the underlying foundation of karma for all three focuses on the cyclical results of actions (thought/speech/body) as future causes through the lives of each living being. In each path, personal responsibility (of the self or non-self) is central to the path of liberation. In this way, power to overcome ignorance and accept karmic consequences is not given by an external being. Conditions must be cultivated by personal practices and within each individual.
This all kind of came full-circle when I was listening to Swami Prabhavananda's seminar about Shankara's writings on non-duality of divinity, he noted that in spiritual practices, many aspirants continually seek the truth externally and the last place they look is inside them. When God or the eternal consciousness is in the heart of the seeker (and the hearts of all beings), what good is it to look outward? After connecting this to Marshall Rosenberg's NVC approach, it seemed so clear that relying on external rewards and punishments in both life and spiritual practices not only diminishes the power of the individual, but it further supports human-made, religious hierarchical authority as a means of control.
I have asked myself many times what gives a certain church or temple leader the authority to make certain decisions or change rules as they see fit...I now know that the simple answer is that is it us who gives them that authority. Even in punk rock, with the slogans of "no Gods, no Masters," power is given to those that set trends or determine the popularity of bands or music. This is our power...given to seek approval, legitimacy or reassurance. Marshall Rosenberg and Swami Prabhavananda were both right about why this is a self-defeating behavior...external factors can influence the individual, but it is up to each individual to retain their power and mindfulness within. Ultimately, it is our choice to cultivate our reactions and our own paths. Clearly, even in spiritual pursuits, habitual practices of surrendering to authority removes the source of our own internal power.
According to Rosenberg, motivation by either reward or punishment is a zero-sum game, as true compassion and empathy comes from within...with the practice also being the goal and the vitality of the individual kept intact. Such sage words, which will inspire building awareness of retaining my own spiritual power and responsibility along each step of the path.
They said you could be so much more than you are
The problem is I don't care anymore
They said you could be so much more than you are
The problem is that I don't really care
- for against "they said"
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